poesy of old

I wished you could die and leave me to live
But mostly hoping you could justify my desire to forgive
Wishing you cared enough to give me one stupid reason
But now I see you are a mere boy who changes with the seasons

As my emotions persist but my feelings subside
I won’t say I love you but I honestly try
Wishing it was real and hoping it was pure
But rotten is rotten and through it, evil ensues

I know I deserve this because I know how much I tried
Fighting a battle where my emotions suffered but my character thrived
I want to believe that you gave it all that you would
But every damn day I wished to forget you but it’s not like I could

Years of divine passion scorched to the root
Absorbing my sensitivity in the core of your heart
Killing my innate desire for anyone else
Stealing my best years, leaving me a mess

Years pass and I still stand before you,
Less and less bare, but still by your window
Vulnerably destroying a tie that God himself could not sever
Constantly wishing you away so I could banish you forever

You coddle me with sentiment, grasping me, tighter and tighter
Enveloping your pride around my fake laughter
Considering a life without me as dull
Selfishly clawing at the mind your thoughts call

You no longer suck the life out of my days
But I look around at all my potential and see it in a haze
You’ve created a role that even you can’t fulfill
You’ve left me to wander alone, all alone still

I see myself here, many years older,
Brighter perhaps but all the more tender
Haunted by a vision a vision of discontent and pain
Through eyes that see you suffer, suffer in vain