enlightened loneliness

enlightened loneliness

I’m all for evolution of self…knowing yourself better, improving, realizing why you do what you do…it helps you understand yourself, help yourself, heal yourself, control yourself (and your emotions).  But what happens when you become so enlightened that you find yourself in a bubble, a bubble that no one else can pierce…?  What happens when you find yourself surrounded by less and less fun, chill, unenlightened, “regular” people?  What happens then?

I am judgmental.  Severely judgmental.  One of my areas of acute judgment is when I judge people by the company they keep.  I can’t help but wonder what binds them. What do they see in one another?  What makes them want to continue to spend time together?

And…I pride myself in the quality of friendships I possess.  There is nothing in life I value more than communication, deep conversations, analysis, sharing…vulnerability, secrets, ideas, philosophies, seeking understanding, coming to realizations.  I love it, love it, love it.  I suppose the more you engage in that, the more enlightened you become.  The more you learn.  The more you grow.  The more you understand.  The depth of your mind, thoughts and soul can be limitless.

But do you also become lonelier? Do you find yourself less and less satisfied by the company of regular folks? Every day folks? The ones who don’t have the luxury of thinking, wallowing, analyzing, obsessing…  Mind you, it’s not because they don’t want to or don’t know how.  But truly, they are too busy living, day to day, paying their bills, making it from event to event, waking up, drinking coffee, showering, lathering, rinsing, repeating, getting in the car, parking, working, leaving, picking up the dry cleaning, grocery shopping, vacuuming, putting the dishes away, numbing their minds with a few hours of brainless television before the wake up to do it all over again.

I love enlightened people.  I do.  I admire them.  I do.  I respect them.  Truly.  But when does the desire for enlightenment and the sinking hole of enlightenment envelope you so tightly that you become isolated from regular people, regular experiences, and mediocre connections?  Life is short, which is why we must understand all we can in an efficient use of time.  But life is also too short to spend alone…

And so, my enlightened realization as of late is as follows: There’s nothing sadder than sacrificing company for enlightenment.  After all, it’s lonely at thetop.

 

©2012, Leegal Deeva.  All rights reserved.

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4 thoughts on “enlightened loneliness

  1. I’m here to tell you, this very real form of loneliness is a phase. The judgement will fade. The need for substance in all relationships won’t matter as much. Compassion and curiosity will gather strength. Hang in there.

    And, thank you for visiting my site and deciding to stick with me. I think “this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

  2. I’m glad that you have been able to find release in this forum. Like you, I found voice, my solace through my writing and wish that for you (see that for you). Thank you for stopping by and for the follow, I look forward to reading more.

  3. ugh. REALLY glad you visited my blog and followed. because i am sooooo with you on the deep friendships thing. i love the deep, thoughtful, pensive conversations i can have with people. but honestly, most people aren’t all that self aware. they are full of defensive mechanisms and fears and habits that they maybe haven’t ever looked at. maybe haven’t ever needed to look at.
    and it’s good to have a little of both. people you can really discuss stuff with, and people that won’t take you too seriously. just take you bowling an make you lighten up for a day.
    i’m totally with you on this…hopefully you will have at least as many deep friends as you need, and more fun, quirky, kooky friends to lighten your load than you know what to do with.

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