Have you ever been the friend of that guy…the one you think is PERRRFFFFEEECCCTTT for you? The one who never notices you?
The one who calls you to vent about girlfriends, bad dating, heartbreak, pining over an unattainable object…? Have you been the girl that’s been there for a guy at 2 a.m., or 4 a.m., or sometimes 9 a.m. when he’s sharing his frustration over how awful girls are, how there’s no one “great” left…?
Notice how he never calls you at 8 p.m. on a Friday? Notice how you’re not the date of his choice when that wedding invite comes along? Notice how you get called “Dear” and “Hun” or an occasional “Sweetheart”…but you never make it to the realms of “Baby”? Funny how that works, huh?
I’ve read, heard, been drilled with the fact that a guy can either see you as a “friend” or “girlfriend” material within minutes of meeting you. He sizes you up, categorizes you, and you’e set. That’s it. After that, he either wants to “get with you” or he wants you to be his buddy. And that’s that.
Women on the other hand, we do our research. We size people up, we get to know them, we ask around, we look out for signals, we gauge how we feel. People we thought were despicable become desirable. Boys who we thought were ugly, become adorable. People we categorized as “obnoxious” become “dreamy…” and so it evolves. Where there was no interest, a crush develops. Where there was no desire, an obsession sparks. But…it’s all for waste.
Because a man has already figured out whether you’re a girl he wants to know (networking and all), bed (instant gratification), or wed (this needs no explanation).
In a girl’s head, the self-gauging is often off. We size ourselves up from an insecure place. Our friends give us unnecessary doses of self-esteem. We fall for it…sometimes. Then objectivity sets in…we analyze our accomplishments, we compare our looks, we improve our appearance, we pat ourselves on the back for our sparkling personalities…but again, all for waste.
How many ugly girls do you know that got married?
How many fat girls do you know that got married?
How many mean girls do you know that got married?
How many dumb girls do you know that got married?
So, just because Aunt Ethel thinks you’re an amazing “catch” does not translate to your most desired boyfriend-potential guys thinking you are.
But rest assured, Ladies…dating or falling in love, it doesn’t require us to work based on volume. It’s not really that much of a “numbers game”. It’s not that the more you date or the more people you meet, the more likely it is that you’ll fall in love. Trust. All that does is it keeps you busy, and it keeps you distracted…so you don’t sulk, so you don’t sink into depression, and so you are constantly reassured that there are “more fish in the sea….”
So, save yourself the heartache, Ladies. Don’t be that girl that talks her guy-friend (secret crush) out of being with a girl he digs. Don’t. If he doesn’t want to be with her, he’ll find his own reason. Don’t sh*t-talk his choices. Don’t put him down. Don’t bother. You are his “friend”…chances are, 99.99999999999% that you will remain just that (until you get sick of picking up the phone calls at 2 a.m.). The stories about how “he saved the best for last” or how he woke up one day and realized you are “the one”…they are rare…
Like, ok, it happened to one girl, somewhere, somehow, in some city, after 47 years of friendship or something lame like that…but it was just her and she told her friends, and they told their friends, who told their friends, you heard about it, and now you think that’ll be your love story. Aww. Sweet. Dream on.
Relationships are rooted in fate. Destiny. Kismet. Meant to be. You can try, as hard as you might, to mold, chisel, break, coerce…but it won’t matter. ‘Cuz the minute he is single again, he’ll be out there, searching for the “it” girl…and I swear, “Sweetheart”…she won’t be YOU.