I’m asked to elaborate…and yet I hesitate…

I’m sweet. I’m smart. If you allow the former to be mistaken for weakness-you’ll only be fooling yourself. I’m curious…too curious. But I know when to lay off. I like being given direction. But that doesn’t mean I’m incapable of doing things on my own. I’m never sarcastic…unless I’m mad. I don’t get into trouble (ever). I’m the girl your parents love. Mostly because they think you’re incapable of doing anything wrong when you’re with me. I’m exemplary. I’m a role model. I always consider the risks. I’m realistic. But that doesn’t mean I don’t hope for an ideal outcome. If the “ideal” occurs, I welcome it. And when it doesn’t, I don’t lose my cool. I smirk when I don’t think something’s funny. And I only giggle around people with whom I feel absolutely comfortable. I’ll never hurt your feelings by telling you that the joke you just told is one I’ve already heard. But my laughter is always unrehearsed. I’ll never judge you for something that simply defines your past. Your vulnerability turns me on. It makes me love you MORE. When you cover it up, I lose respect for you. You can hurt me. You can lie to me. You can disappoint me. You can upset me. You can wrong me. It won’t change the way I treat you. But it will change the way I feel about you. And that to me, is more valuable. I enjoy people who are cultured and sophisticated. Though they are not the ones I like to curl up on the couch with, over a cup of coffee, while I’m wearing a baseball cap and sweats. I have more fun chatting in the car, as opposed to the club, surrounded by posers and frauds. I’d rather be friends with someone honest than someone who is simply nice. I don’t care what your daddy has. I don’t care who he is. I don’t care what he can give me. And I don’t care to learn from him…unless he wants to teach me. I accept that he’ll never love me like he loves you. And even if he tries, I realize you’ll still come first. I’m more concerned with where your heart is. Where your drive comes from. What you do. How you live your life. What you are capable of. I believe that the more sorrow carves into your soul, the greater your capacity for joy. So don’t be ashamed to own your sadness. I don’t believe that the harder you have to work for something will necessarily make you appreciate it more. But I do believe that your worth comes from the things that are independently yours. I’ll never buy into your facade. You can sell that off to the world (or simply yourself). Whatever is more important. Really. I may adapt. But it doesn’t mean I approve. If you walk away, I’ll come after you once or twice. But in the end, I only miss the things I truly love about you, or merely “our time together.” I never do anything I don’t want to do. Unless it’s a dire obligation, and even then, I do it within reason. So don’t pressure me. I don’t neglect my responsibilities. I like to be the ringleader. I like to be in control. But I’d really love to find someone I trust who can call the shots for me. If you prove yourself, I’ll stop testing you. If you fail, time and time again, I’ll leave you to your own demise. I’ll be your partner in crime. I’ll be the other half of your coveted power couple status. I’ll never be your trophy wife. And, I won’t respect her either. I bake brownies. I decorate cupcakes. I’m great with kids (when I want to be). I’m an advocate and I won’t back down from a worthy fight. I appreciate romantic restaurants. I like it when you make reservations on the patio. I don’t mind if you light up in front of me. But I hate it when you tell me you think it’s unattractive if I do. I may talk like a valley girl. But I argue like a Harvard grad. You may not think so. But that’s only after you’ve already decided not to hear me out. I truly enjoy conversations in the kitchen, with your Mom. But I like it more when you’re listening. I take pleasure in worrying. Reflecting. Soul searching. Analysis. Over-thinking. Evolution. I don’t enjoy being around people who like to hear themselves talk. I’d rather converse with someone who is unkind than someone who is ignorant. I love to beat around the bush. I love to be subtle. I love to hint. But I have no problem being direct. I’ll tell you off. You’ll never see it coming. I’ll hold you close to my heart. But only if you let me. I’ll push my point when I’m sure I’m right. When I doubt myself, I will back off. I don’t like to be bullied. I don’t like to be underestimated. I like to play dumb. But only b/c it makes it easier to figure you out. I’ll eat my pride. Only because you follow it up with a kiss. I’ll let you rip my heart to shreds. Only because Iike the way you put it back together. I’ll say sorry because I have to. I’ll accept your apology with an open mind. I’d rather keep my lips sealed than let something slip. You can ask me a million questions. But I’ll only tell you what I want you to know. I don’t like the games people play. But I realize they exist for a reason. I have a one track mind but I’m very much in tune with the big picture. I hold fast to my faith. I realize it’s the only way to paradise. I won’t knock you down for your beliefs (or lack thereof). That doesn’t mean I fail to realize you are damned for all eternity. My silence does not imply approval. It just implies politeness. The minute you think you can pull a fast one on me, I’ll smile to myself with the utter knowledge that I can pull five like you out of my back pocket alone. I’m passive aggressive. But even then, I keep the aggression to myself. I won’t confront you. Unless you push me to. I never do things that don’t have meaning to me. Don’t corner me. I’ll snap. Don’t put me in an uncomfortable situation. I’ll get out. I only play to win and I never ever lose. The petty battles come and go. But the hegemon in the war is always me. I’m gracious when you compliment me. But I don’t take anything you say personally. I hold off on making assumptions about you or anyone. But my instincts rarely contradict reality. I may appear serene on the surface. On the inside, I’m thinking like the CIA. Two words out of your mouth speak volumes in my heart. I follow that heart. It never makes mistakes. I do rationalize with my mind. Logic is my enemy. Reason is my most concerned friend. I love it but I sometimes leave it at home on a Saturday night. I’m discerning but there are certain risks I find worthwhile. Dialogue is my forte. Monologues are my life. Music is my soundtrack. Poesy is my expression. In a world that values buttermilk pancakes and syrup, I’m organic peanut butter spread over dry, whole-grain toast. But I have holding power.

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