never settle (for anything less than butterflies)

You can always share these deep dark emotions with me. This is where I feel most like myself…in depth and darkness. That’s pretty sad, I admit. But it’s true. Even if I were in love, I’d still relate…b/c I’ve spent so much of my time here. On this side of the fence. So grab a nice hot cup of coffee…spoil yourself with a bit of cream…and read on…I promise it’ll be worth your while…

Your weekend seems tough. I’ve begun not to put myself in those situations. I feel like a woman attempting to conceive who does not attend her friend’s children’s bday parties. I just can’t emotionally handle it. If people are happy…and romance is in the air for them, MORE POWER TO THEM. By saying this, I mean…right now, I don’t have much in my life to cling to either…in terms of butterflies and pretty feelings…which is why…

I just can’t imagine how you survived the weekend. Was it just the 3 of you? Wow. All your thoughts are normal and common…First off, WHERE IS HE? and WHO IS HE? Then, will he like me? can he want me? am I attractive enough? will I ever find true love? Compassion? Romance? Comfort? Attraction? Desire? Lust? Spiritual compatibility? Emotional stability? Intellectual satisfaction? WE WANT A LOT! It’s true. We just do. We deserve it. And yet we don’t feel the need or desire to settle for any less. We don’t even do things just to “pass the time”. We are totally one track minded…we want something spectacular or we want nothing at all.

On giving advice to her….it’s hard. It’s hard to be in our position b/c we see things so clearly. We are the 3rd person, neutral perspective. I’d put up with a guy’s bad habits if we shared true love. Why not? I sure as heck want a guy to put up with my idiosyncrasies out of his love and emotion for me…don’t I? But some things are not just habits or occasional tendencies. Some things reflect a greater problem. If she is using the gambling thing as her label for “He’s immature and doesn’t appreciate the same things I do” OR “He doesn’t take money seriously and is unwilling to plan for a future”…then, SHE’S IN TROUBLE. However, if it’s just an annoyance over one weekend…then golly jee, she really IS asking for too much.

There’s so many people getting married soon…mostly because…”it’s the thing to do.” And if they tell me ONE more time that they love “him” just as much as they did 3.5 years ago…or that they are so in love and so happy, I swear, I am going to scream. I don’t believe it!! And that’s b/c I know better. People in love, and floating, and happy, and euphoric about marriage and building a life together don’t dwell on petty things. They put up with people’s bull shit, they float on clouds, they are happy and satisfied entirely by love. They are BLIND. It’s not a realistic lifestyle, I know…it’s not a realistic emotion…I know…but that’s how it is supposed to be. And if it’s not like that when you’re dating or planning a wedding…then when is it ever going to be? Let’s think about it. This has to be the time in a girl’s life when she is most carefree, happy, excited, etc. Love, to me, is enough. Then again, I am a romantic. Then again, I will not get married cuz “it’s the thing to do”…then again, I AM ALONE.

So when you feel emotional about bridesmaid dress shopping…remember, that love’s fruit is NOT in the details of wedding planning. Love is an all encompassing emotion…it consumes you, it suffocates you, it makes you feel lighter than a butterfly. It takes over your life and makes you feel unaffected by anything and everything. Perhaps it’s not healthy…to feel that strongly about anything…but if you don’t have that kind of love now…at the peak of your romance and sentiment for another human being…believe me, it won’t arrive once you’re living together and sharing a bathroom…it won’t arrive once you’re waking up at 2 in the morning to feed a baby and hating yourself b/c your body has changed. What I’m saying is…if you don’t have euphoric, life-consuming love to guide you through your courtship and marriage planning stages…then you really have nothing to hold on to when life brings on the raw stuff.

See, through the years, love fades…it changes meaning, its quality is altered…that’s why it’s so vital to have the thrilling, crazy emotions that dating and engagement offers. It gives you something to cling to when reality hits. You recall your crazy passion and intense sentiment and you think…”Gosh…we were so stupid…but look at us now…years later…building a family…building a life”…and you smile to yourself.

Hunny, don’t settle for anything less than butterflies. Don’t settle for anything less than passion. Don’t settle for anything less than perfect (for you). Just don’t. If you have to deal with drama, anger, craze, annoyance, displeasure in your courtship…chances are, you’ll be dealing with it for the rest of your life.

Me…I want a man to take care of me. I’m not saying financially…I mean emotionally. I need a guy who is man enough to take control and plan life for me. I want someone I can trust so deeply…that I can close my eyes and get on an airplane with him and know that I’m embarking on the trip of my life. I want someone who knows what he’s talking about, knows what he’s doing, and is confident about saying and doing it.

When I see the girls in my life taking on the burdens that their men should take on…I don’t envy them. I’ve told you this before…I don’t envy people’s relationships. Very rarely do I see a couple together and think…”Man, I just wish I had what they had.” Perhaps I’m a relationship elitist…I must be…and yes, I know, I’m STILL alone.

This is where we are in life. We want more…we can offer more…we deserve more…more and better. Babe, I know that somewhere, down the line, someone super special is going to come along and give you butterflies. He’s going to come along and even if the world doesn’t think he’s perfect…YOU’re going to think he’s perfect. He’s going to make you SO happy…he’s going to make you feel so elated. You’re going to get text messages from him in the middle of the night. You’re going to smile. You’re going to read emails from him in the middle of the day. You’re heart’s going to beat a little faster. On Valentine’s Day, when flowers are delivered to your office, you’re going to realize that the prettiest arrangement on the receptionists desk is YOURS.

When you and I find true love, we’re going to listen to love songs and feel that same amazement and admiration for our men that the people singing felt for the ones they wrote the words for. God’s made us wait it out all these years…he’s deprived us of little loves…of little bits of happiness…. He’s taken his time in molding our hearts, our minds, our souls. And just think, OUT THERE is a boy…making mistakes, learning about life and love, going through struggles and moments of flight…just like we do…wondering if he’s ever gonna meet US.

There are, of course, things we’re going to have to sacrifice. Perhaps it’ll be appearance? Perhaps it’ll be background? Perhaps it’ll be income? I simply don’t know. Surely, the boy that comes along to sweep us off our feet isn’t going to arrive in an Armani suit, in a red ferrari, to whisk us away to a dinner date in NYC. He may not be six feet tall with a full head of hair. But whatever he is…whoever he is…he’ll be enough. He’ll be enough of a man to make us feel weightless and cradled by love. If he doesn’t…then we’ll be getting married b/c “it’s the thing to do.”

If it comes to that…then so be it…at least we’ll know the difference. But until then…we shall hope…and believe…and we will continue to carry our faith…

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