editorial

Dearest **************************,

I’m over it. Over what? Over this…over us…over anything having to do with you. You’ve seriously crossed all boundaries…I’m sick of you. At first you made me mad…but now…you’re starting to make me sad…and no one, and I mean NO one should have that power.

I told you that you were a good distraction…I told you to your face…and you laughed it off…well, asshole, it was the TRUTH. You laughed it off b/c you can’t accept that perhaps there is someone I want more…or love more…or need more…or desire more… Not just someONE…in fact, I could provide you with a short list of names…trust!

It’s like, I think…I think and think and think and I wonder…just what is it that I see in you??? Not much. What is that YOU can contribute to MY life??? If someone were to ask me to articulate the reasons why I ‘like’ you…or even care…I would be unable to come up with even 2 or 3 things…I just can’t…b/c ultimately, there is nothing you can provide for me that I can’t provide for myself…more importantly, you FAIL in comparison to all the other wonderful guys out there who can challenge me mentally, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually…guys I know…guys I’ve met…guys I WANT to grow closer to.

You tell me I challenge you…I’m a ‘smart ass’ like you…that I’m witty…that I have good comebacks…that you enjoy talking to me. ALRIGHT…so? Hedo????? Then what??? I like our dialogue…I do…but its not an all encompassing form of satisfaction…b/c somehow, I feel like I’m providing you with more than you’re providing me with. The comfort, the familiarity of boys past…it was fun while it lasted…but now, the novelty has worn off and you’re just a pain…at this point, I merely tolerate you.

So, yeah…there it is…you FAIL…you may be capable, though I doubt it. More than anything, I realize you just don’t desire to be ‘that guy’…and FUCK…if you don’t desire it…then why the hell should I expect it? Why should a girl like ME succumb to feeling this way about a guy like YOU???

Look at it…your biggest selling point…you come from a ‘good’ family…alrighty…ok…whatever. So there are a million people out there who come from shitty families yet they are extraordinary people. Why don’t you try and outdo your parents rather than fly on their coattails…trust me, it’s much more honorable to be known for your own accomplishments than those of your ancestors…why don’t you look to make something of YOURself as opposed to basking in their success? Honestly…you’re pathetic.

Anyway…I’m done…I’m over your arrogant ways…your childish behavior. Seriously, maybe it’s what I demand…maybe it’s what I am used to…maybe people do tend to walk over egg shells around me…oh well…let ’em!! They’re not ‘pussies’ as you put it…they simply respect me…you’re not some hardass…you’re just an ASS. In fact if you didn’t have a girlfriend…you’d boast less than 10% of the unwarranted cockiness you display. So, you have someone that loves you, worships you, adores you…enjoy it…live it, love it…what can I say? I recognize that my love and my adoration are far more valuable! In fact, far too valuable for you…which thus simplifies my desires/wants/needs concerning you…b/c at this point, I don’t have any.

Thanks for reminding me…like a slap in the face…that we’re not ‘dating’…we’ve never ‘kissed’…thank you. Keep convincing yourself that what we have is healthy and normal…and that it’s not considered ‘cheating’…keep it up…lie to yourself long enough and you JUST MIGHT believe it. It’s a shame that you’ve made me resent you…resent ‘us’…resent whatever it is that we had before it was over. It’s been bittersweet…’cuz before you even had a chance to make me happy, you thoroughly pissed me off…I shoulda just held on to that emotion and walked away…but I didn’t.

Time and time again, it was like you disappointed me, then impressed me…just with tid bits of your personality. Thanks for being so straightforward…thanks for being so up front…thanks…but I’m over it now…take it and just go away…walk away…

Despising you with all my heart/mind/soul…
~

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