I said you could call me if you wanted to. I guess you didn’t want to.
I am tired of talking to you. I’d rather see you.
Why do you expect me to be available to talk to you when you didn’t even think of me all weekend?…When you haven’t asked to see me?…nothing nothing nothing.
All I do is remain kind to you. I’m a doormat. I am always there for you when you want me. The minute I disappear you get antzy. Perhaps you feel this is a game. It’s not. It’s more like self-defense.
Why should I be there for you when it’s convenient for you? When you’re sitting on your ass all day at home and want to talk to me?
What about all the times I’m sitting at home? Bored? Lonely? Wanting to talk to you? What about all those times? Where are you then? OUT? Partying? Spending your time with insignificant people? Spending your time with people who lack substance? While I sit at home? Waiting for you? To what? Call me? Text me? JERK!!
I hate you. Really, I do. You want to talk to me…and I’m there. Do I ever turn you away? It’s not my fault that you don’t know how to appreciate me when I’m available and/or around. Inevitable, convenient, or when I beg. These are the only only, only times you want to see me and talk to me. Inevitable, convenient, or when I beg. ASS! You don’t deserve my kindness, cheerfulness…my love…my sentiment…my care, concern, and emotion.
You are sooooo busy living your life. Having “fun”…(with the losers/bimbo’s/lame asses of the world). But when it comes time for deep thought and consideration…you RUN to me…OLD FAITHFUL…the only person who “understands” the only person who’ll “do.”
Why don’t you run to them? Ya…the losers…the bimbo’s…the lame asses of the WORLD. They’re good enough to have “fun” with…but not good enough to satisfy you when you need depth and feeling. When you want to reflect, analyze and dream. Is that all I’m good for? Boy do I feel used.
You know…you’re not the only one. Lord knows that there are plenty of other people I’d rather reflect, dream, analyze, wonder and worry with. People who will be there, BY MY SIDE, when I need them. Not at some faraway place, like you, having fun WITHOUT ME…but always remaining sure that I’ll be sitting right HERE when you need me.
Perhaps they don’t love me as much…perhaps they haven’t even done 1/10 of what you’ve done for me. Regardless, they’ve never made me feel as unworthy as you have…as unappreciated as you have…as forgotten as you have.
When they ignore…it doesn’t cause sadness for me…it’s a shrug of the shoulders and I move on. When you ignore…it’s a deeper hurt…It’s a pain that cuts deeper than a superficial wound. And like the most painful bruises that radiate from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet…you punch at the same wound over and over (perhaps unintentionally, at times, unknowingly)…and it hurts more and more each time.
This sadness…pain…torment…even the drama…it doesn’t exist with other people…does it??? It’s a problem…”unique to you”…unique to ME and only me (or so you say.) Well…I’m unique…I’m the only me you’ll ever find…the ONLY me…you’ll EVER know. Remember that…embrace that…feel it. And the next time you “let it go”…take a moment, breathe deeply…and attempt to comprehend the value you let slide through your fingers. Know it well…for a single instant, hold on to that MOST valuable person you brush off…ignore…push away…pull away from…avoid…and under-appreciate, devalue, use, abuse, and FORGET. See if it’s a genuine forget…or a temporary one.
Perhaps, when you realize which it is…for me, it will become a genuine sense of forget…and I’ll be able to move on with MY life. You’ll kick yourself one day…you definitely will. I refuse to ask for the satisfaction of experiencing/witnessing/observing your IMMENSE REGRET over losing me, someday–forever. Even in losing me, I choose not to see your pain.
Yup…it’s a sick twisted sense of love…a unique kind…then again, it’s mine…